Fake Shopping.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this...

So you're at the grocery store, looking at food and you see a guy who is so obviously not there to shop, but more so to fake shop and try and bust shop lifters. No big deal, that's his job, but for some reason these guys always have two things in their basket. Paper plates and a bag of Doritos. Come on now, nobody eats Doritos off a paper plate. So he starts lurking you like you're gonna steal something, and all I can think to myself is, 'damn, am I the shadiest looking dude in the entire store?' And then I quickly get over it and decide to fuck with the guy, therein becoming the shadiest dude in the store.

First you start looking over your shoulder a lot, trying to see who's watching you. Then you stand really close to the shelves and act like you might be putting something in your coat. His interest is sparked and he thinks he's caught someone in the act. Then you look over your shoulder twice more and quickly take off right by him and to the next aisle. Once you're out of eye shot you quickly turn around, standing at the very end of the aisle and wait for his head to slowly emerge around the corner. And this is about the time I would point and laugh while saying, 'you suck at your job!' The closer you are to him the funnier it is. And for about the four times I have pulled this off flawlessly not one of the dudes has said a word to me. Most of them just put their head down and slink away quietly being all secretive about getting back to their fake shopping. So I guess it kind of sucks being the shadiest looking dude in the grocery store, but it would be worse if I sucked that bad at my job. People are stupid.

If I was one of these dudes I'd be lurking around the self checkout stand. Who's going to steal something from a grocery store when you can just pretend to pay for it? An idiot that's who. And at least if you get busted there you can plead ignorance and say you didn't know how to work one of those damn things and no one was around to help. I don't know who came up with the idea of self checkout but poor people owe him a big thank you.