My Top Ten Albums of 2013

Even though I'm not much of a rock n roll journalist any more I still can't help myself when it comes to creating a top ten list for my favourite albums of the year. I definitely didn't listen to everything, but then again who could? This is just a list based on my biased opinion of music. Enjoy, or don't, I couldn't care less.

10. Man Man - On Oni Pond

To be perfectly honest this album was a bit of a disappointment for me and only makes it into the top ten because it's fuckin' Man Man! I love this band a lot, and it is because of this that I am tough on them. When 'On Oni Pond' didn't live up to the greatness that was 'Life Fantastic' I was a bit bummed. They seem to be reigning in their madness a little with each new album they release, but regardless it's still a pretty fun album. And it's got some serious bangers like 'Born Tight', and 'Head On'. Man Man continues to break down barriers and keep the labels off their backs while continually reinventing themselves. I couldn't even label them with a genre if I tried, you're just going to have to listen for yourself.

9. Jungbluth - Partache

I have not been listening to this band for very long, but I love the fact that it isn't just straight up hardcore. The moment on 'Partache' that really had me sold was the fifth song entitled 'Au Revoir Tristesse' that lands smack dab in the middle of this 9 song beast of an album. It's a mellower instrumental post punk styled song that showcases the layers of this band and helps them avoid becoming pigeonholed. Plus it's a free download on bandcamp, and no complaints were ever heard. No idea what Jungbluth means though. The band is from Germany so it probably has something to do with sausage or vodka.


8. Wavves - Afraid of Heights

I have never been a huge fan of Wavves before, but when I saw this album on a list I decided to check it out. I didn't hate the album they released before this, it had some really great tracks, but it also had a lot of songs I skipped through. So coming into the listen of 'Afraid of Heights' with no high hopes was probably why I ended up being so pleasantly surprised. The album opens with the ripper, 'Sail to the Sun' and rarely lets up after that. It's surfy garage rock laced with a summer vibe that has got the treble cranked and more catchy chorus' than should be legal on one album.

7. Diarrhea Planet - I'm Rich Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

Some people might think this band has a really shitty name, but others might agree that you won't forget a name like that. I only got into Diarrhea Planet this year thanks to a tip from a friend at a show one night. After going home and looking them up I ended up listening to one of the greatest songs I could ever imagine hearing called 'Ghost With A Boner'. I sang it for months afterwards, then Diarrhea Planet released a new album and it was also kick ass. There are some cheesy moments that make me cringe, but the good songs that are good are really good. Me write good.

6. Hunters - s/t

I used to think this band was from New York because I read somewhere they were from Brooklyn. As it turns out they are from Brooklyn, but Brooklyn PA, not Brooklyn NY. I don't know if they should be allowed to have another Brooklyn so close to that Brooklyn, it's very confusing. My friend told me there is also a Brooklyn in Ontario, but she made it sound like a little butt fuck town that you would never want to visit. Anyway, Hunters are a female fronted grunge band from Brooklyn and they rip. The singer wails and her boyfriend the guitarist backs her up nicely. They do a lot of back and forth singing in songs that host the usual highs and lows that have become accustomed to grunge music thanks to Nirvana.

5. Fuzz - Fuzz

What the shit is this?!? Some serious groove rock n roll, that's what! Calling your band Fuzz leaves you with a tall order to fill, but this band is up for the task! With moments reminiscent of a 70's jam band that just as easily evolve into garage rock n roll or stoner rock from this decade. Usually found behind a guitar Ty Segall is no slouch on the drums and he takes care of most of the vocal duties on this great album. A fat, I repeat FAT, groove is laid down from beginning to end. This is music to smoke your shitty little hash to.

4. FIDLAR - FIDLAR

Fuck It Dog Life's A Risk. I think I always avoided listening to this band because of their name. For some strange reason I always thought there'd be a fiddle present. But on a hot evening at a house party in Edmonton my ears were finally introduced to them, and while I was too drunk for it to become love at first listen, I would go on to check them out live when I got home and be completely blown away. Just like the three bands that precedes them on this list I only got into this band this year. Nice to know there's still some great new music coming out in this world. I will never tire of songs, 'White on White', 'Wait For The Man' or '9 to 5'. This is booze fuelled party rock n roll made for slackers by slackers.

3. Baptists - Bushcraft

Just when you thought the list was not heavy enough I present to you what I thought was the most punishing hardcore album of the year. From beginning to end this album is a full blast heavy assault of riffs and sheer angst. If you wear a wig you better staple the fuckin' thing to your scalp before pressing play on this one because Bushcraft will blow that hairy mess right off your head. While the band is a little bit one dimensional it just doesn't matter because what they do they do really fuckin' well.


2. The Lovely Bad Things - The Late Great Whatever

The most surprising part of my list is that this isn't number one! 'The Late Great Whatever' was one of my most highly anticipated albums of the year, and it didn't let me down. This album is the destroyer of bad moods. Good times all the time. No album was played more this summer than this one, and I'd be surprised if there was one that was played more next summer which I'm already salivating for. While their singer has some serious chops she shares the vocal duties with the rest of the band and it makes for some great and beautiful moments. The Lovely Bad Things seamlessly bounce from a crazy fast punk song to a slower groovy rock jam without so much as a hitch on 'The Late Great Whatever'. Not a bad song in the bunch from an album that boasts style for miles. Is it punk, is it indie rock, is it surf rock, is it garage rock? Who cares, all you need to know is that it's a really really good album.


1. King Khan and the Shrines - Idle No More

I wasn't sold on this album during my first listen, but it proved to be a grower rather than a shower. Hmmm, that says shower, I meant for it to say show-er. Easily the funkiest album on the list the Shrines never disappoint. They've even incorporated some strings into some songs to give it a darker feel or in the case of the track 'Thorn in her Pride' it just adds extra groove to a chorus that already had it all! Another stand out track for me was, 'So Wild', King Khan's tribute to his late friend and fellow rocker Jay Reatard. There really isn't a bad song amongst them all as long as you can handle the slower tunes, but I've always been a sucker for a slow jam. The last song of the album 'Of Madness I Dream' is one of my favs. So I award King Khan and the Shrines the top spot as they add some more excellence to an already excellent catalogue of music.

Zombies and pirates, and even zombie pirates.

I hate zombies because everyone else loves them. Well I also hate them because they're ugly and stupid, but my hatred of zombies mainly boils down to their popularity. All of a sudden out of nowhere there was this intense zombie craze that I just couldn't buy into. If I really wanted to watch a dilapidated grey being with its skin hanging off of its face I'd go visit my grandma. Just another stupid fad brought to you by some asshole from Hollywood. 

It was the exact same thing with pirates. Out of nowhere pirates become the most popular thing since music and I'm sitting there thinking, 'if I didn't buy into it when I was a kid, there's no way I'm buying into it now.' Trust Hollywood to help a gang of fancy boys who wear puffy shirts and tights to become popular with the masses. And then there was that movie, Pirates of the Caribbean. It didn’t just have pirates in it, but also zombie pirates. So as expected people lost their minds and emptied their wallets.

Being a pirate consists of long boat rides full of men, destroying other boats so you can steal all their precious belongings, killing the crew, and I haven’t even mentioned all the taking it up the ass that went on at night after the rum came out. Being a zombie consists of being so stupid you cannot talk or function other than slow movements and low groans, kind of like when someone is staring at their cell phone. So this is what's popular amongst the people of today? A bunch of flag flying, freaky homos, and some flesh eating, drooling retards? It's no wonder the youth of today is turning out the way it is. If they can't take what they want they will eat your brain. Better have your shotgun ready.

Cable TV.

It's been a very long time since I've had cable TV. There is a show I stumbled upon called Man vs Food. This "man" goes around to restaurants and eats until he gets the sweats or even pukes! It makes for some really good television, and it gets me to wondering about who comes up with these ideas. I want that job. Then I will have to wait no longer for my reality TV show starring retards. And I'm not talking Jersey Shore retards, but actual bon-a-fide retards starring in their very own show. Fascinating! Maybe throw in a couple midgets too and an indian. Seriously, I should be a TV exec.

NOFX

Hello, tonight I will be attending a soiree at The Fabulous Commodore Ballroom where a loutish fellow called Plump Mike will strum a bass, sing nasally, and act like a drunken ass. There will also be a stinky dread head named Melvin, no relation to the Melvins, and an even more hefty chap called El Heferoni. They will play music of the punkish variety and people will crash into each other. Yes, it sounds quite awful and scary, but I must go for research reasons, and research reasons alone.

...and I'll never get to say goodbye.

My friend Mike Woods committed suicide recently. It's the first person that I've been somewhat close to that has ever done such a thing. I'm not sure how to deal with it, so I've taken to writing a blog in his memory. I think he would have liked that. He never would have told me this, but I think deep down it would have made him smile.

Mike Woods seemed like a very misunderstood character. People saw him and thought he was a psycho or crazy, and I think this was all simply based on how he looked. He was a hard looking dude, and I think seeing him around at shows may have intimidated me a bit before I actually met him. But once you got to know him you soon realized that there was a lot more to this guy than his tough looking exterior. He was really smart, and like me, he had a very dark sense of humour. Because we both housed anti social tendencies it was funny to me that the two of us could get together and talk for hours. Every time I saw him in the grocery store I would stop and talk to him until he told me to fuck off, and that was the kind of guy Mike was. Never sugar coating a thing, and just straight up telling it like it is. He was one blunt dude. After we had finished talking about this and that and bands in the scene he would say, 'OK, fuck off, I've got to go get some groceries.' And I would laugh and walk away. I'm going to miss those chats we'd have outside of Safeway.

Mike Woods was also an avid supporter of the local music scene. After we had become friends he was someone I could always count on to be at the show. He would sometimes call me up on a Thursday night and we would compare our preferences for shows we wanted to go to on the weekend. On weekends with lots going on we'd usually never be able to agree on which were the best shows to attend, and even after he'd tell me he didn't want to go to certain gigs that I'd recommended I'd still bump into him at the show, and when I'd say things like, 'oh, but I thought you hated this band?' or 'I thought you were staying in tonight?' He would nonchalantly shrug it off and that would be the end of it.

Mike's writing was insanely creative. He would always ask me questions about my writing, and I think in a way we kind of competitively fed off of one another in this category. He would tell me the basis to many of his stories and ask my thoughts, which were always, 'sounds heavy Mike, you know me, I just write about bands and fart jokes.'

At one point Mike called me up and said he was setting up a show and wanted me to perform. No big deal. Then he explained that it was not a show for bands, but a show for writers to get up in front of people and do some spoken word. He also said that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. I reluctantly told him that I would do it, but instantly became nervous about what I was going to say. He said 'just tell some stories.' It's a shame that the show never came together, because I was most interested in what Mike was going to get up there and say. But him pushing me to do it was going to broaden my horizons and make me a stronger person. It's funny to think that Mike Woods made me a better person, but I believe he did.

Playing with Mike's band was always a blast. He had some of the best stage banter I've ever heard. One night when The Winston Campaign played the last ever show at the El Dorado all the regular rednecks showed up to bid their favourite watering hole adieu and were rudely awakened to the fact that the punks had taken over to play some loud music in the corner. During their set some guy came up to fuck with Mike while he was trying to play, and Mike kept his cool even though his microphone had fallen off the stand. He calmly finished the song, put the microphone back into its stand, and then went on a verbal tirade. I wish I could remember what he said because we were all laughing so hard. He called out the redneck saying he probably couldn't even do 20 pushups. Then he went off about how everyone came here to have a good time if they liked the music or not, and simply finishing with, 'if you touch my mic again I will rip your head off.' Amazingly it was this moment that brought both sides of the crowd together and had the rednecks respecting the rest of the show for what it was. There was a great clip of it on youtube at one point, but I have since searched for it and unfortunately it looks like the user has taken it down. Maybe Hugh the bassist can get it back up, as I think it was one of his friends that uploaded it in the first place.

My favourite memory of Mike was when I invited him and Dan over to my place to do an interview about The Winston Campaign's epic journey down to Mexico to "play" with NOFX. His humour shined through all night long as him and Dan reminisced about their travels, and I sat back and laughed. We enjoyed a few beverages, and ran over 2 hours of tape. I'm posting an unedited version of what I transcribed from the interview on my other blog, as it had to be seriously cut down to fit in the pages of the magazine. Part 1 is up right now: http://www.undergroundvancouver.blogspot.com

Later that night we went to Dan's girlfriends house as she was having some people over, and in these situations it was always good to have Mike around. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in social situations where I don't know many of the people around me, but I could always count on Mike to make me feel less awkward. Not because he was more awkward than me, but mainly because, OK yeah, because he was more awkward than me.

I remember another party at my house that I invited him to, and he had no excuse to not come as he lived only two blocks away, and I think he felt out of place. I saw him trying to sneak away and I ran up to him to stop him. He said he didn't know anybody here and couldn't relate to the ones he did try to strike up a conversation with. I told him that he knew me, and that was enough. I don't know what it was, but I wanted to see Mike have a good time and I wanted him to conquer awkward social situations. Then Dan, Juli, and Zoe arrived at that very minute, and he quickly changed his mind about leaving. And he always came back too. Every time we had a party at our place Mike was there to support whichever one of my bands was playing. He was good like that. Even after Jones Bones stopped playing gigs he'd still come out and see Real Problems perform, even though it was obvious that he preferred The JB by a lot.

I think Mike was angry about a lot of things in this world, and I really wish he hadn't felt that he needed to kill himself. I don't know if going back to Cranbrook was a bad idea, and of course I'll always be left with wondering if we had stayed good friends would he be dead now? If I made more of an effort to not drift apart would he have felt he needed to commit suicide?

Part of me hates myself for writing this. Why am I spending all this time on Mike now that he is gone, but over this last year I spent barely any time on him at all. All of a sudden I feel I can be his friend again when it's way too late. The last few times I saw Mike was at shows, and he was hanging out with a really attractive girl. We didn't get a chance to talk much like we used to when we bumped into each other at shows, but he didn't seem to have changed much as he told me to not stand so close to him, a joke of course. A couple days later I wrote him an email to say he needed to come to our next party. He never did reply, or come by, and I never saw him again.

On more than a few occasions Mike would tell me that Jones Bones was one of his favourite local bands, and I always got a kick out of that. And I also remember a time when I bought him a couple beers at a show and before he took them from me he said, 'you know what Denis, you're a really fuckin' nice guy. You mean well and I like that.' I also got a kick out of that. The things he did to boost my ego meant more to me than he could ever know, and as mean as people might have thought Mike looked, he wasn't. I think he was a really fuckin' nice guy that meant well too, and now I wish I could tell him that.

88

About a year ago I met a guy who swore up and down that 88 Fingers Louie (the punk band) were Canadian. I told him he was wrong and he wouldn't shut up until I bet him $10 over it. After we shook on it he drunkenly mumbled something about how a fool and his money were soon parted and I just smirked. I saw him the other night and told him he owed me $10 because 88 Fingers Louie were from Chicago and he still swore up and down that they were a Canadian band. He is dead wrong, but I never assumed that I was going to see that money anyway. I guess he ain't no fool.

Circle The Wagons.

I used to sing in a band called Jones Bones, and on a hot evening in August some 5 years ago we played at The Lamplighter with a band from Nelson called Circle The Wagons. Our friends in Wantmonster, who were also on the bill, got us hooked up with the show, and it turned into a memorable evening. Not because they had cans of Pabst for $2.75, or because Chad would later go on to piss in his bed, but because of the sheer ripping talent that hit the stage.

When these two long haired dudes, and their bald headed drummer took to the stage and fired up their instruments my jaw dropped. This was the most shredding punk rock I had heard in ages. The guitarist was doing solos behind his head, and they were both screaming out vocals from behind all the hair. These dudes looked like metalheads, they played like metalheads, but it all sounded punk rock! You usually can't ask for much more.

And like many good bands, they disbanded. Disappearing in a sea of fast drums and sick riffs. Over 4 years goes by, and my friend, the singer from Wantmonster tells me they are putting the band back together, with him on vocals! So the stage show will become more intense, if it was even possible, and many new tunes are in the works as you read this. This was big news! Bigger news is that they're touring with the Dayglo Abortions, and my band is lucky enough to open up the festivities at the Vancouver stop on April 14th. It's gonna be so rad to see both of those bands again, let alone share a stage with them. If you like punk music and live in the Vancouver area, this show is not to be missed!

And stay tuned to my other blog Underground Vancouver to read a giant interview that I did with the new singer from Circle The Wagons.